Open, Empathetic, and Flexible Communication

Effective communication is essential in libraries, where staff interact with a diverse range of patrons. Openness and empathy foster trust and understanding, allowing library staff to better meet the needs of patrons, especially those who may have experienced trauma. Library staff can use empathetic communication to listen to the experiences and needs of patrons from diverse racial and ability backgrounds, ensuring that their voices are heard and validated. Flexibility in communication ensures that staff can adapt their approach based on individual preferences and circumstances, creating a supportive and inclusive atmosphere.^[1][2][3]

Open, empathetic, and flexible communication is integral to anti-racist and anti-ableist practices in libraries as it fosters inclusivity, understanding, and empowerment for marginalized individuals. By fostering an environment where communication is open, librarians can actively listen to the needs of patrons without making assumptions. This approach allows librarians to actively listen to patrons’ concerns, experiences, and needs, enabling them to provide tailored support and assistance. Additionally, open communication promotes transparency and accountability within library spaces, helping to challenge discriminatory practices and dismantle systemic barriers to access and participation. Ultimately, by prioritizing open, empathetic, and flexible communication, libraries can foster a culture of equity, empathy, and empowerment, where all individuals feel welcomed and supported.

Cultivating open, empathetic, and flexible communication fosters an environment of understanding and acceptance, which is essential for creating an anti-racist, anti- ableist, trauma informed approach, because it involves understanding that patrons may have experienced trauma or face various challenges in their lives. By fostering open and non-judgmental communication, library staff create a supportive environment where patrons feel comfortable seeking assistance and accessing resources. Empathy enables staff to connect with patrons on a human level, validating their experiences and fostering trust. Flexible communication ensures that staff can adjust their approach based on individual preferences and comfort levels, empowering patrons to engage with library services in a manner that feels safe and supportive. Open, empathetic, and flexible communication is closely related to each of the six principles of trauma-informed care:

1. Safety: Empathetic and flexible communication contributes to safety by fostering an environment where patrons feel emotionally and psychologically secure. Library staff who communicate empathetically demonstrate understanding and sensitivity towards patrons’ needs and concerns, which helps to alleviate anxiety and promote a sense of safety within the library space.
2. Trustworthiness & transparency: Empathetic and flexible communication enhances trustworthiness and transparency by creating open and honest dialogue between library staff and patrons. Staff who communicate with empathy and flexibility build rapport with patrons, which fosters trust and confidence in the library’s services and resources. Transparent communication about library policies and procedures ensures that patrons feel informed and empowered, further reinforcing trust.
3. Peer support: Empathetic and flexible communication facilitates peer support by promoting understanding and empathy among library staff. Staff who communicate empathetically with their colleagues create a supportive work environment where staff feel valued and respected. Flexible communication allows for effective collaboration and problem-solving, enabling staff to support each other in their roles and provide better service to patrons.
4. Collaboration & mutuality: Empathetic and flexible communication encourages collaboration and mutuality by valuing diverse perspectives and experiences. Library staff who communicate empathetically seek to understand the needs and preferences of patrons and colleagues, fostering a culture of mutual respect and cooperation. Flexible communication allows for constructive dialogue and negotiation, facilitating collaborative decision-making and problem-solving within the library community.
5. Empowerment, voice, & choice: Empathetic and flexible communication empowers patrons by acknowledging their individual preferences and choices. Library staff who communicate empathetically listen actively to patrons’ concerns and preferences, empowering them to make informed decisions about their library experience. Flexible communication allows for customization and adaptation of services to meet patrons’ diverse needs, promoting a sense of agency and ownership over their library experience.
6. Cultural, historical & gender issues: Empathetic and flexible communication recognizes the cultural, historical, and gendered contexts that shape patrons’ experiences and perspectives. Library staff who communicate empathetically demonstrate sensitivity to cultural norms, historical contexts, and gender dynamics, fostering inclusivity and equity within the library environment. Flexible communication allows for respectful engagement with diverse cultural backgrounds and identities, promoting understanding and acceptance among patrons and staff alike.

Open, empathetic, and flexible communication is crucial in libraries. It promotes inclusivity by ensuring that all patrons, regardless of their background or identity, feel heard, valued, and respected, fostering a sense of belonging and empowerment among library users and encouraging them to actively engage with library resources and services. Open communication facilitates transparency and accountability within library spaces, enabling librarians to address patrons’ concerns and needs effectively. This helps to build trust and rapport between librarians and patrons, enhancing the overall quality of service delivery. Additionally, empathetic communication allows librarians to understand patrons’ perspectives and experiences, enabling them to provide more personalized support and assistance, and flexible communication enables librarians to adapt their approach to meet the diverse needs of patrons, ensuring that everyone receives equitable access to library resources and services. Overall, open, empathetic, and flexible communication plays a vital role in creating inclusive, supportive, and welcoming library environments where all individuals can thrive.

Trauma- informed librarianship in praxis

Navigating trauma- informed communication in the library

Open, empathetic and flexible communication refers to a style of interaction characterized by sensitivity, honesty, and adaptability. In open communication, individuals feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and ideas without fear of judgment or reprisal. Empathetic communication involves the thoughtful use of sensitivity, attentive observation of body language cues, and the skillful application of empathy to tailor your communication approach to meet the specific needs of the individual you’re interacting with. Flexibility in communication involves being willing to listen to others, consider different perspectives, and adjust one’s approach based on the needs of the situation or the individuals involved. This type of communication promotes collaboration, problem-solving, and positive relationships in various contexts.

Quick tips for developing open, empathetic, and flexible communication

Adapted from Culturally Connected.^[4]

Adaptability^[5]

• Style of Communication: Each individual has a unique communication style. Notice the pace of a patron’s speech, their response time, and their comfort level with interruptions. Reflect on your own communication habits and try to adapt to match their style.
• Eye Contact: Understand that some patrons may not be comfortable with direct eye contact. Consider sitting beside them rather than across from them, and avoid pressuring them to make eye contact.
• Use of Personal Space and Touch: Respect the patron’s personal space and preferences regarding physical contact. Always ask for permission before initiating any physical contact or moving closer to the patron.
• Addressing Patrons: Inquire about how patrons and their family members prefer to be addressed, and communicate your own preferred form of address.
• Pausing: Allow for moments of silence during interactions to give patrons time to process information.

Efficiency^[6]

Tips for communicating clearly:

• Slow down when giving explanations
• Use common words
• Break information down into short statements
• Focus on the 2 or 3 most important ideas
• Avoid use of the passive voice
• Avoid the use of acronyms or library jargon. Take time to explain what you mean by words like ‘negative’ or ‘at-risk’
• Check for understanding using Teach-back
• When providing written materials, highlight or circle important information and use bulleted and numbered lists

Active Listening

Active listening is a foundational skill in effective communication, characterized by attentiveness, empathy, and genuine engagement with the speaker’s message. Unlike passive listening, where the listener simply absorbs information without active participation, active listening involves a dynamic process of understanding, interpreting, and responding to the speaker’s words, emotions, and non-verbal cues.^[7][8][9] At its core, active listening is about giving the speaker your full attention and creating a supportive environment for open dialogue. This means focusing not only on the words being spoken but also on the speaker’s tone of voice, body language, and emotional cues. By tuning in to these subtle signals, active listeners can gain deeper insights into the speaker’s thoughts, feelings, and underlying needs.^[10][11]

One key aspect of active listening is empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Empathetic listening involves putting yourself in the speaker’s shoes and seeing the world from their perspective. This requires setting aside your own judgments, assumptions, and preconceptions to fully engage with the speaker’s experience. By demonstrating empathy, active listeners create a sense of validation and trust, which fosters meaningful connections and enhances communication.^[12][13][14]

Another important element of active listening is validation, which involves acknowledging the speaker’s thoughts and feelings without judgment or criticism. Validation can take various forms, such as nodding, paraphrasing, or reflecting back the speaker’s words. By validating the speaker’s experience, active listeners affirm their worth and demonstrate respect, which encourages further sharing and openness. Active listening also involves providing feedback and clarification to ensure mutual understanding. This may include asking clarifying questions, summarizing key points, or offering supportive comments. By actively engaging in the conversation and seeking clarification when needed, active listeners demonstrate their commitment to understanding and collaborating with the speaker.^[15][16]

In summary, active listening is a dynamic and empathetic approach to communication that involves giving the speaker your full attention, empathizing with their experience, validating their feelings, and providing feedback to ensure mutual understanding. By cultivating active listening skills, individuals can enhance their relationships, resolve conflicts, and foster deeper connections with others.

Active listening involves several steps that help create a supportive environment for meaningful communication. Here’s a breakdown of the key components:

1. Give your full attention: Focus on the speaker and eliminate distractions. Make eye contact, turn off electronic devices, and position yourself in a way that shows you’re fully engaged.
2. Show empathy: Put yourself in the speaker’s shoes and strive to understand their perspective. Listen without judgment and try to recognize and validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them.
3. Use nonverbal cues: Pay attention to the speaker’s body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. Nonverbal cues can provide valuable insights into the speaker’s emotions and help you better understand their message.
4. Provide feedback: Offer verbal and nonverbal cues to indicate that you’re listening and understanding. Nodding, paraphrasing, and using affirming statements can show the speaker that you’re actively engaged and encourage them to continue sharing.
5. Paraphrase: Rephrase the speaker’s words in a way that reflects your understanding of their message. This allows the speaker to confirm that you’ve accurately interpreted their meaning or provide clarification if needed. Paraphrasing also shows the speaker that you’re paying attention and genuinely interested in what they have to say.
6. Ask clarifying questions: Seek clarification when needed to ensure you understand the speaker’s message accurately. Ask open-ended questions that encourage the speaker to elaborate and provide more detail.
7. Summarize and reflect: Periodically summarize key points and reflect back the speaker’s words to demonstrate that you’re listening and understanding. This shows the speaker that you value their perspective and encourages further sharing.
8. Respond appropriately: Offer supportive comments and feedback that validate the speaker’s experience. Avoid interrupting as this can disrupt the flow of conversation and diminish trust. Ask the speaker if they would like advice rather than giving them advice unsolicited. This shows that you respect their autonomy and recognize that they are the expert of their own experience.

By following these steps, you can cultivate active listening skills that foster deeper connections, enhance understanding, and promote effective communication in various settings. Here are the process of active listening broken down further^[17]:

Paraphrasing:

How to do it:

Paraphrasing in active listening involves restating the speaker’s message in your own words to demonstrate understanding and encourage further dialogue.

Why do it:

• Tests your understanding of what is heard by communicating your understanding of what the speaker said.
• Allows the speaker to ‘hear’ and focus on their own thoughts.
• Allows the speaker to see that you are trying to understand their message and perceptions. Encourages the speaker to continue speaking.

Examples of active listening responses

• What I’m hearing is…
•  Sounds like you are saying…
• “I’m not sure I’m with you but…
• If I’m hearing you correctly….
• So, as you see it…
• It sounds like what’s most important to you is . . .

Examples in praxis

1. • Speaker: I’m not sure if I’m making the right decision about my career.
   • Active listener: It seems like you’re uncertain about your career decision, is that correct?
   • Speaker: I’m feeling overwhelmed with all the tasks I have to complete by the end of the week.
   • Active listener: So, what I’m hearing is that you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed because of the workload you’re facing by the end of this week, right?
   • Speaker: I’m excited about the opportunity, but I’m also nervous because it’s a big responsibility.
   • Active listener: Let me see if I’ve got this right. You’re feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness because this opportunity carries a lot of responsibility, correct?

Clarifying:

How to do it

Clarifying in active listening involves seeking further information or understanding to ensure you correctly interpret the speaker’s message.

Why do it

• Gives the speaker the opportunity to elaborate and clarify what was said.
• Gives you the opportunity to identify anything that is unclear and to check the accuracy of your understanding.

Examples of active listening responses

• I am not sure I quite understand; or do you mean that…?
• Can you say more about …?
• You have given me a lot of
• information, let me see if I’ve got it all…”

Examples in praxis

1. • Speaker: I’m not sure what you mean by that.
   • Active listener: What part was confusing to you?
   • Speaker: It’s been a rough week.
   • Active listener: Can you elaborate on what made it rough? Was it work-related or something else? 
   • Speaker: I’m feeling overwhelmed.
   • Active listener: Could you help me understand what’s contributing to your feelings of overwhelm?
   • Speaker: I don’t know what to do next.
   • Active listener: Could you provide more details about the situation so I can better understand how to support you?
   • Speaker: I’m not sure how to approach the project.
   • Active listener: Could you explain what aspects of the project are causing uncertainty for you?

Reflecting:

How to do it

Reflecting in active listening involves mirroring the speaker’s feelings, thoughts, or experiences back to them to show understanding and empathy.

Why do it

• Deepens understanding of feelings and content.
• Allows the speaker to see that you are trying to understand their message and perceptions.

Examples of active listening responses

• “I get the sense that you might be feeling afraid about what might happen if . . . “
• To me, it sounds like you are frustrated about what was said, but I am wondering if you are also feeling a little hurt by it.”
• It seems like you felt confused and worried when that happened.”
• “So, you’re saying that you were feeling more frightened than angry.”

Examples in praxis

1. • Speaker: I’m feeling really anxious about the upcoming presentation.
   • Active listener: It sounds like you’re feeling quite anxious about the presentation.
   • Speaker: I’m frustrated with myself for not meeting my goals.
   • Active listener: You’re feeling frustrated because you haven’t met your goals.
   • Speaker: I’m worried about my parents’ health as they’re getting older.
   • Active listener: You’re feeling concerned about your parents’ health as they age.
   • Speaker: I’m excited about the opportunity, but I’m also nervous about whether I’ll succeed.
   • Active listener: You’re feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness about the opportunity.
   • Speaker: I feel like I’m not being heard in meetings, and it’s frustrating.
   • Active listener: You’re feeling frustrated because you don’t feel heard in meetings.

Summarizing

How to do it

Summarizing in active listening involves condensing and restating the main points or themes of what the speaker has said.

Why do it

Helps both listener and speaker identify what is most important to the speaker.

Examples of active listening responses

• Let me summarize what I heard so far…
• So, on one the hand… but on the other
• hand . . .
• I think I’ve heard several things that seem to be important to you, first____, second, second_____,  third______.
• It sounds like there are two things really matter most to you . . .

Examples in praxis

1.  
   • Speaker: I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately with work and family responsibilities.”
   • Active listener: “It sounds like you’re juggling a lot between your job and family obligations, and it’s becoming overwhelming for you.
2.  
   • Speaker: I’m excited about the new project, but I’m not sure I have the skills to handle it.
   • Active listener: You’re feeling enthusiastic about the project, but you’re also uncertain about your abilities to manage it effectively.
3.  
   • Speaker: I had a disagreement with my friend, and now I’m not sure how to resolve it.
   • Active listener: So, you’re facing a conflict with your friend, and you’re seeking a way to find resolution.
4.  
   • Speaker: I’ve been feeling really down lately and I can’t seem to shake it off.
   • Active listener: It seems like you’ve been experiencing persistent feelings of sadness, and it’s been affecting your mood recently.

Initially, active listening may feel awkward or unfamiliar, but as you practice and integrate active listening into your communication repertoire, its benefits become increasingly apparent. Active listening fosters open, empathetic, and flexible communication by creating a supportive environment where speakers feel heard and valued. Through active listening, you can demonstrate genuine interest and empathy towards the speaker, which cultivates trust and strengthens interpersonal connections. Despite its initial discomfort, embracing active listening as a communication tool can lead to more meaningful and fulfilling interactions, both personally and professionally.

Nonviolent communication

Nonviolent Communication is a communication method rooted in nonviolence and humanistic psychology. Rather than seeking to eliminate conflicts, it focuses on fostering empathy and understanding to enhance overall well-being and connection.^[18]

Developed in the early 1960s by Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a communication model grounded in the belief that individuals are inherently compassionate and share common basic human needs. This foundational assumption guides the NVC process, directing communication toward addressing relatable human needs to foster interpersonal connections.The NVC process involves five elements: consciousness, thought, language, communication, and use of power. It emphasizes universal human needs, seeking connection before solutions, the need for contribution, interdependence, and avoiding value judgments. NVC applies to personal, interpersonal, and societal realms, promoting empathy, honesty, and care to foster trust, understanding, and cooperation. In conflict resolution using the NVC model, parties refrain from using judgmental language and instead focus on understanding the underlying needs of all involved. NVC underscores the importance of mutual understanding regarding the conflict’s nature and the significance of various aspects of the issue to each party. It offers a structured approach that enhances the likelihood of all parties reaching such mutual understanding. The NVC model consists of four main steps: observations, feelings, needs, and requests, although their sequence can be fluid and subject to change during dialogue. Some steps may necessitate repetition based on responses, and others may require greater emphasis depending on audience interpretation or conversational progress.^[19][20][21]

In Nonviolent Communication (NVC), embodying certain attitudes is key to effective communication:^[22]

1. Self-Connection: This involves relating to oneself and the world from a place of compassion, truth, and peace. Practices like meditation and spending time in nature help maintain self-connection.
2. Honest Expression: Expressing oneself without criticism or blame, revealing feelings and needs, and making requests without demands.
3. Empathic Presence: Listening to others without judgment, seeking to understand their feelings and needs.
4. Self-Empathy: Offering oneself empathy when unable to listen with an open heart, identifying unmet needs, and seeking clarity.
5. Means of Influence: Influencing others by revealing feelings and needs, making requests rather than demands, and seeking solutions that meet everyone’s needs.

In the NVC model, the initial step involves communicating observations of the situation without assigning blame or judgment to oneself or others. Observations serve as a critical component, enabling straightforward and factual communication between parties. However, when observations are intertwined with blame or judgment, the likelihood of conveying the intended message diminishes, as others may perceive criticism and resist what is being communicated. For example, instead of saying, “You don’t listen when I’m speaking,” you can say, “When we were talking today, I noticed that you were on your phone.” Mastering NVC involves understanding the distinction between observation and personal value judgments. By refraining from imposing judgments on our observations, we reduce the likelihood of triggering defensive reactions, thus creating space for meaningful dialogue and mutual understanding. Sharing these observations marks the initial step in practicing NVC.

The second step involves identifying feelings, without expressing judgment, criticism, or blame. Communicating feelings rather than opinions on contested actions or policy positions can facilitate continued dialogue between parties. NVC entails owning responsibility for our feelings, necessitating a shift in perspective regarding how the words and actions of others impact us. In NVC, external stimuli from others are acknowledged as triggers, but not the direct cause of our feelings. Rather, it is our response to these stimuli, coupled with our needs and expectations in the moment, that gives rise to our emotional reactions.

When encountering a negative message from another person, NVC presents four potential options. To exemplify these choices, let’s consider the scenario of receiving criticism, such as “You’re so selfish”:^[23]

• Take the criticism personally: “I really am selfish…”
• Fight back: “I’m not selfish; you’re selfish!”

Using the model of NVC, you can consider your own feelings:

• Say something like: “When I hear you say that I am selfish, I feel hurt because I need some recognition of the effort I make to consider your preferences.” By connecting their feelings with their needs, the speaker makes it easier for their partner to respond compassionately.

You can also consider the other person’s feelings:

• Ask something like: “Are you feeling hurt because you need more consideration for your preferences?” This response opens space in the conversation for the other person to express their underlying needs.

The second step is interconnected with the third, which links a person’s underlying needs to the identified feelings. The concept posits that negative feelings may stem from unmet needs. These needs, which are universal and essential to human nature, serve as the underlying causes of outwardly expressed emotions like anger and frustration (Rosenberg & Chopra, 2015). During the third stage of NVC, individuals are encouraged to introspectively identify these needs. Through training and practice, NVC fosters this process by broadening the vocabulary of feeling words, enabling individuals to articulate their needs with greater depth and precision. With this understanding, speakers can then formulate requests that effectively address these needs when communicating with others.

The fourth step entails making informed and empathetic requests that could fulfill the needs of both parties. These requests are specific, achievable and crafted in a manner that encourages compassionate responses from others. In NVC, requests are never coercive or forceful; instead, they are positive and focus on expressing desires rather than negating undesired behaviors. For instance, one might say, “I’d appreciate it if you could spend more time with me at home,” rather than, “I don’t want you to spend so much time at work.”

Differentiating between a request and a demand is crucial in NVC. Including one’s own feelings and needs in the statement helps clarify the intent behind the request, promoting understanding and cooperation. Effective requests are clear and concise, increasing the likelihood of a positive response. NVC operates as a reciprocal exchange, comprising two key components: honest expression and empathic reception through the four components. The latter underscores the significance of listening skills, which NVC values as highly as speaking abilities.

It’s essential to recognize that NVC is not a rigid formula but rather a flexible framework adapted to individual contexts. The essence lies in understanding and embodying the four components, emphasizing consciousness over mere verbal exchange. As Rosenberg asserts, NVC transcends language and techniques, embodying an empathic stance, awareness of deeper needs, and a compassionate intent. Requests may range from action requests to reflection requests, aimed at ensuring message interpretation accuracy. The flexibility of applying NVC to conservation communication lies in recognizing diverse settings and stakeholder relationships and adapting these principles accordingly. Effective communication fosters engagement and enhances the likelihood of identifying mutually agreeable solutions while averting conflict often laden with emotion or preconceived judgment.^[24]

A deep dive with Dr. Roxy Manning

Practicing Nonviolent Communication: A Guide to Clear and Empathetic Expression

Nonviolent Communication offers a profound methodology for nurturing empathy, comprehension, and interpersonal connectivity across diverse contexts. This worksheet serves as a structured guide to explore the foundational tenets of NVC, encompassing authentic self-expression, empathic listening, and conflict resolution strategies. This tool breaks down essential competencies to navigating complex dialogues with clarity, empathy, and respect.^[25][26][27]

Conclusion

Open, empathetic, and flexible communication plays a vital role in promoting trauma-informed librarianship and creating a supportive environment for patrons. By cultivating a culture of openness, empathy, and adaptability, library staff can foster trust, understanding, and inclusivity within their library communities. Effective communication involves active listening, empathy, validation, and responsiveness to patrons’ needs and preferences. By embracing these principles and practices, staff can better meet the diverse needs of individuals affected by trauma, promote safety and empowerment, and build stronger connections with patrons and colleagues alike. Reflecting on our communication practices and continually striving to improve them is essential for creating a trauma-informed library environment where all individuals feel valued, respected, and supported.